


don't say all the right things

by sugodemic



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Depression, Epistolary, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Online Friendship, Suicidal Thoughts, Texting, just a dark headspace, there's no suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6532069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugodemic/pseuds/sugodemic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>[4/10/16 4:51:06 AM] Namjoon</b><br/>sorry i’m stupid</p><p><b>[4/10/16 4:55:10 AM] Namjoon</b><br/>That’s not how I was supposed to do it... I even looked it up haha</p><p><b>[4/10/16 4:55:35 AM] Namjoon</b><br/>was supposed to say something like things’ve been hard lately and i need to talk. idk? i know we’ve talked about my depression before but</p><p><b>[4/10/16 4:56:01 AM] Namjoon</b><br/>I’m sorry, Yoongi.</p><p><b>[4/10/16 4:57:00 AM] Namjoon</b><br/>At least it says you’re reading the messages immediately :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't say all the right things

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't graphic and it doesn't particularly get into the deep psychological dark headspace parts of it, but it still talks plainly about mental health and suicidal thoughts. and you kinda fill in the gaps for yourself while you're reading it, so just take the warnings as they are, because idk how much you're going to end up filling in!
> 
> secondly, this is kind of but not really inspired by [bazooka](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bazooka/pseuds/bazooka)'s fic [pig and bird](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6472045/chapters/14814637). they have absolutely no relation, but i wouldn't have gotten the idea for this format and i wouldn't have done the text style and thought this up without reading pig and bird. so this is like a shoutout because if i hadn't read that, this wouldn't exist. i don't know. i'd just feel icky not to say anything, even though i don't really need to.

**[4/10/16 4:46:50 AM] Namjoon**

i want to die

**[4/10/16 4:48:11 AM] Yoongi**

same.

**[4/10/16 4:48:30 AM] Yoongi**

fuckin exams man, im so tired why am i awake lmao

**[4/10/16 4:48:40 AM] Yoongi**

why are you still awake? go to sleep

**[4/10/16 4:48:50 AM] Namjoon**

I want to die.

**[4/10/16 4:50:10 AM] Yoongi**

What?

**[4/10/16 4:50:13 AM] Yoongi**

haha

**[4/10/16 4:51:06 AM] Namjoon**

sorry i’m stupid

**[4/10/16 4:55:10 AM] Namjoon**

That’s not how I was supposed to do it... I even looked it up haha

**[4/10/16 4:55:35 AM] Namjoon**

was supposed to say something like things’ve been hard lately and i need to talk. idk? i know we’ve talked about my depression before but

**[4/10/16 4:56:01 AM] Namjoon**

I’m sorry, Yoongi.

**[4/10/16 4:57:00 AM] Namjoon**

At least it says you’re reading the messages immediately :)

**[4/10/16 4:57:30 AM] Yoongi**

No

**[4/10/16 4:57:36 AM] Yoongi**

No, it’s okay. I’m sorry

**[4/10/16 4:58:45 AM] Yoongi**

Fuck

**[4/10/16 4:58:50 AM] Yoongi**

You want to kill yourself

**[4/10/16 4:58:53 AM] Namjoon**

yeah

**[4/10/16 4:58:56 AM] Yoongi**

You there?

**[4/10/16 5:00:06 AM] Namjoon**

Yeah.

**[4/10/16 5:00:15 AM] Yoongi**

okay

**[4/10/16 5:00:35 AM] Namjoon**

It’s not what you think it’s like... idk I don’t want to freak you

**[4/10/16 5:00:50 AM] Namjoon**

Not on a bridge, not standing in front of a noose, not bleeding. God, not even crying. I’m lying in bed, in the dorm. Jimin’s here. He’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake him up.

**[4/10/16 5:00:55 AM] Yoongi**

it’s good you have a roommate.

**[4/10/16 5:01:30 AM] Namjoon**

Don’t have any conventional weapons or anywhere to get some. No pills, not even a butter knife, or a balcony. Not locked up in the bathroom with a razor, some scissors. Walls aren’t soundproof, can’t even jack off without someone hearing, let alone fuck with my life. I’m fine. I’m not fine. I’m both. It’s fucking with my head.

**[4/10/16 5:01:55 AM] Yoongi**

okay.

**[4/10/16 5:03:03 AM] Yoongi**

You’ve been up for three days, you need to go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning. Depression gets worse when you don’t sleep. Just go to sleep, Namjoon.

**[4/10/16 5:03:40 AM] Namjoon**

you remembered how long i’ve been up?

**[4/10/16 5:04:39 AM] Yoongi**

What do you mean

**[4/10/16 5:04:52 AM] Namjoon**

And I’m pretty sure I didn’t tell you about the depression getting worse without sleep thing

**[4/10/16 5:05:12 AM] Yoongi**

Oh I was just looking up some stuff that’s all

**[4/10/16 5:05:20 AM] Yoongi**

It’s nothing

**[4/10/16 5:05:30 AM] Yoongi**

What are you doing now?

**[4/10/16 5:06:14 AM] Namjoon**

cant fuckign fin d my earphnoes

**[4/10/16 5:06:20 AM] Namjoon**

fcuk it fuck this fuck fu ck

**[4/10/16 5:06:21 AM] Yoongi**

Namjoon

**[4/10/16 5:07:11 AM] Yoongi**

Did you find them?

**[4/10/16 5:10:02 AM] Yoongi**

Hey

**[4/10/16 5:10:30 AM] Namjoon**

I woke up Jimin

**[4/10/16 5:10:40 AM] Yoongi**

What happened

**[4/10/16 5:10:59 AM] Namjoon**

idk

**[4/10/16 5:11:36 AM] Namjoon**

I started throwing things around

**[4/10/16 5:11:58 AM] Namjoon**

cuz I was looking I couldnt find it I threw the sheets off my bed

**[4/10/16 5:12:13 AM] Namjoon**

and I just needed to listen to something and I couldn’t find them

**[4/10/16 5:12:37 AM] Namjoon**

I was calm I swear I was calm I just started freaking out I couldn’t find them I wanted to calm down but I couldn’t find them

**[4/10/16 5:12:42 AM] Namjoon**

Yoongi he’s scared what do I do

**[4/10/16 5:12:46 AM] Yoongi**

Try not to think about it.

**[4/10/16 5:13:11 AM] Namjoon**

I know that? I know I’m overthinking Yoongi how else do I explain it I’m a fuckup my brain doesn’t work right I overthink everything and just because it sounds pretty sometimes doesn’t mean it’s good I’m just trying to make the best out of shit

**[4/10/16 5:13:25 AM] Namjoon**

whole fucking life people’ve told me I overthink and I do okay but I cant help it I’ve never been thorugh any trauma my life is great my parents are great they never fucked up I have no reason to be like this but I am I’ve been fuckign suciifal since I was 15 I’m anxious I cry all the time

**[4/10/16 5:13:37 AM] Namjoon**

people always tell me I overthink and I know that - you think I don’t know? but no one’s ever told me “hey, you overthink and that’s really fucking tiring but also seems like it’s not simple, someone fucked up and that’s how your brain is made and you’re actually pretty fucked up too, it’s okay for you to see a therapist, meds are fine too, maybe just talk it out”

**[4/10/16 5:13:50 AM] Yoongi**

well goddammit namjoon I DONT know okay? i don’t know what it’s like, i dont understand why someone like you who is so fascinated and addicted with the world could want to die and make it a worse place without you, i dont know how to say the right thing all i know is how to be an ear or say a load of crap

**[4/10/16 5:14:04 AM] Yoongi**

so which one do you want?

**[4/10/16 5:15:03 AM] Namjoon**

i dont want you to say all the right things. didnt come for that. just wanted you.

**[4/10/16 5:15:06 AM] Yoongi**

do you want to call me?

**[4/10/16 5:15:15 AM] Namjoon**

im too nervous right now im really sorry

**[4/10/16 5:15:40 AM] Yoongi**

maybe you should talk to Jimin instead

**[4/10/16 5:15:50 AM] Namjoon**

idk.

**[4/10/16 5:15:58 AM] Yoongi**

I don’t know you. You don’t know me. We’ve never met irl. Maybe we never will. Maybe you should talk to someone who’ll be there for you.

**[4/10/16 5:16:30 AM] Namjoon**

I trust you lol Is that wrong? naive? emotional?

**[4/10/16 5:16:35 AM] Yoongi**

No

**[4/10/16 5:16:40 AM] Yoongi**

It’s okay

**[4/10/16 5:17:50 AM] Namjoon**

do you trust me?

**[4/10/16 5:17:53 AM] Yoongi**

Yes

**[4/10/16 5:17:55 AM] Namjoon**

ok

**[4/10/16 5:18:30 AM] Yoongi**

what are you doing right now?

**[4/10/16 5:18:57 AM] Namjoon**

Jimin’s putting the blankets back on my bed lol. I’m just standing here wwatching him wtf

**[4/10/16 5:19:16 AM] Namjoon**

he found my earphones too haha

**[4/10/16 5:19:20 AM] Yoongi**

is he saying anything?

**[4/10/16 5:19:45 AM] Namjoon**

Hes fucking terrified

**[4/10/16 5:20:13 AM] Namjoon**

idk i think he hates me

**[4/10/16 5:21:10 AM] Yoongi**

Calm down

**[4/10/16 5:21:14 AM] Yoongi**

fuck that was stupid. sorry.

**[4/10/16 5:21:30 AM] Yoongi**

I think you should talk to him okay?

**[4/10/16 5:21:45 AM] Yoongi**

he didnt roll over and go back to sleep. he’s trying to do something for you, and you talk about him like he’s a good friend and a good person

**[4/10/16 5:21:57 AM] Namjoon**

he is

**[4/10/16 5:22:02 AM] Yoongi**

Help him help you

**[4/10/16 5:23:00 AM] Namjoon**

okay

**[4/10/16 5:24:57 AM] Yoongi**

Hey I found this

**[4/10/16 5:25:07 AM] Yoongi**

741741 <\- crisistextline

**[4/10/16 5:25:17 AM] Yoongi**

They’re a crisis center but you don’t have to call them. sounds like something you’d be comfortable with

**[4/10/16 5:25:25 AM] Yoongi**

They have a website and twitter and everything, you should research it

**[4/10/16 5:25:40 AM] Yoongi**

and all the reviews are good

**[4/10/16 5:25:52 AM] Yoongi**

Maybe you should give it a go

**[4/10/16 5:25:57 AM] Yoongi**

It’s okay to

**[4/10/16 5:26:30 AM] Namjoon**

idk what to say. thank you

**[4/10/16 5:26:35 AM] Yoongi**

np

**[4/10/16 5:26:47 AM] Yoongi**

Keep it okay?

**[4/10/16 5:26:56 AM] Namjoon**

just thank you so much

**[4/10/16 5:27:20 AM] Yoongi**

you gotta stop tryin to say everything at once. that’s what ttyl is for

**[4/10/16 5:27:35 AM] Namjoon**

haha

**[4/10/16 5:28:39 AM] Namjoon**

ttyl

**[4/10/16 5:28:42 AM] Yoongi**

ttyl namjoon

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know why anytime i write yoonjoon, namjoon is struggling with mental health... but i like writing it, so i'll keep writing it.
> 
> writing tumblr @ bottomnamjoon  
> main tumblr @ sugodemic


End file.
